


Amethyst

by What_we_are



Category: Breaking Bad
Genre: F/M, Grief/Mourning, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-06 01:16:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,004
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5397443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/What_we_are/pseuds/What_we_are
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Marie copes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Amethyst

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Star_sail](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Star_sail/gifts).



1.  
Marie and Blanca sit at the little table in Marie’s luxury hotel room, eating the dessert Blanca brought. 

Marie says, “They’re missing, not dead. It’s only been 24 hours since I spoke to him. They could be kidnapped, knocked out, or lost. Maybe some incompetent nurse somewhere didn’t file the right paperwork or something. Hospitals make mistakes all the time. There’s probably a pair of John Doe’s at some hospital we haven’t called yet. Or they could be… I don’t know, just lost.”

Blanca wipes her eyes. “Walter White said he killed him. We have to accept the possibility that he wasn’t lying.”

Marie gags and throws up her pastry into a napkin. She runs to the bathroom. When she looks up from the toilet bowl, Blanca is there with a glass of water.

She consoles Marie, “We’ll get through it together, whatever happens.”

“I’m not being crazy,” Marie insists. “That horrible explosion in El Paso didn’t kill Hank. Two cartel thugs tried, and all they did was slow him down for a while. He’s out there somewhere, and so is Steve.”

 

2.  
She stays at the hotel while her home is professionally cleaned. She stays afterwards too. 

She eats microwave popcorn and apple slices. She keeps the TV on ESPN for masculine background noise. At some point she starts really watching the games and getting enraged when Hank’s teams don’t do as well as they could have. 

She considers going out and stealing, but she doesn’t want to risk being detained or arrested when Hank finally calls. She carries her phone always and keeps it on the bathroom counter while she showers. She charges it religiously every night. 

She dreams one night that Hank is banging on the garage door and there is no one home to let him in. He’s dehydrated and dirty, favoring his good leg. 

 

3.  
The cleaners did a good job. She has less furniture now, but what she has is clean. She orders an amethyst cluster to put on the coffee table. She goes back to work. Working actually feels good. Her coworkers treat her gently.

The core of her is that she needs Hank to come home, but there is also a longing for Skyler, Flynn, and Holly. She never admits it to Dave, but she misses Walt too - the fake Walt that she’d spent years getting to know. She wonders if he’s dead. She wonders if he’s keeping Hank and Steve as bargaining chips. 

She has never lived alone for so long. Before Hank there were roommates, and before that her family. Policemen’s wives are used to long hours of worry, so she pretends this is like any other time apart. She sleeps with Hank’s shirts even though the smell is fading. She switches over to his side of the bed and leaves her own side empty. 

She imagines telling Oprah about how she persevered and kept the home fires burning. 

 

4.  
Skyler says on the phone, “I’m glad you can take Holly on Saturday. And listen; I know you don’t want to be around me a lot, but if you need help with anything…”

Marie asks, “Like what?”

“Like going through his clothes… It’s been five months. If you want any help, I'll help you.”

“I’m not going to throw away his things.”

Skyler says, “I know. Not throw away, but maybe donate.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Marie says, “I just have to hang up now.”

 

5.  
When Flynn drives up, there is a big German Shepard in his passenger seat. Even before Marie can notice the purple bow around the dog’s neck, she knows what her nephew is up to. She’s a tiny bit irritated and mostly just head over heels for the dog. 

She talks to Moxie a lot and shares tiny pieces of sushi with her. She feels safer at night with the dog under the covers next to her. 

 

6.  
After six months of cell phone vigilance, the police don’t call when they have news about the case. They come to the door to tell her in person. They stay and keep watch for Heisenberg. On the second day, they tell her the “when” and “where” of her husband’s death. It’s impossible for her to say if she is shocked or if she knew it all along. 

 

7.  
Her condo is brand new and near a dog park. It has good light. She puts the big amethyst by the kitchen window. The sunlight through it makes purple patterns on the white tile. She has no fewer than three baskets of toys for Moxie. Holly’s toys she keeps in a cupboard. 

She cries a lot, but at least she can register the beauty around her: her niece, Hank’s minerals, the flowers she gets for herself weekly. She can tell that the world is still there. 

 

8.  
Flynn’s dorm room smells like dirty socks. Marie thinks how rare he is to be a millionaire with a roommate and quiet hours restrictions. She has the auntly impulse to buy him some cereal and fabreeze, but he can afford his own. He is very reasonable about the money, actually. He got himself another ridiculous car, but other than that he spent it on a condo for his mom in Marie’s same complex. Most of it is still in the bank for Holly's future. 

After dinner, when they're hugging goodbye she tells him, “Hank would be so proud of you."

 

9.  
On Marie’s fridge there’s a photo of Flynn and Louis that she hasn’t found a frame for yet. There are also concert tickets for Celine Dion, and a picture Holly drew of Marie and herself in princess dresses. The lower part of the fridge is all alphabet letters for Holly to play with.

Skyler looks at the tickets and asks, "Why don't you take that guy from work?"

"Because I've only just had coffee with him twice, that's why. Do you not want to go?" Marie asks. 

"No. I'll go. It'll be fun."


End file.
